How Do I Ask for Donations in Lieu of Flowers?

Cardio Renal Foundation is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt charity organization. Your donation advances our mission to provide a solution beyond dialysis.

In the middle of the hardest week, someone — usually the person writing the obituary at a funeral home desk, or on a laptop at 1 a.m. — has to turn a wish into a sentence: she'd have wanted the money to do some good. This article is for that person. It covers how asking for donations in lieu of flowers actually works, the exact wording you can copy, and the small mechanics that make sure the gifts land where your family intends. If you arrived here from the other side of the sentence — as a friend looking to give — our companion walks your half: how do I donate in memory of someone?

The Four Things to Decide

The whole task is four decisions, in this order. First, which charity. Often the choice makes itself: the research foundation for the condition they lived with, the hospice that cared for them, the cause they gave to every year. Second, the exact legal name and tax ID. Charities must be named precisely to be found and credited — ask the charity or check its website for the legal name and EIN (ours, for reference, is Cardio Renal Foundation Inc, EIN 33-4359765). Getting this line right is the single most useful thing you will do; "kidney research" sends gifts wandering, a legal name with an EIN does not. Third, tell the funeral home. Most funeral homes will list your chosen charity in the service program, keep a record of memorial envelopes, and forward what they collect — but only if they know; make it part of your arrangements conversation, not an afterthought. Fourth, put it in the obituary and the service program, using wording like the examples below.

Wording You Can Copy

The one-line version (the standard form, fits any obituary):

"In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [Legal Name of Charity], [charity's website or mailing address]."

The family's-voice version (when you want it warmer, or the obituary has room):

"The family asks that, in lieu of flowers, memorial gifts be made to [Legal Name of Charity] in memory of [loved one's name]."

A worked example, for a death from kidney or heart disease — the wording as it would actually appear:

"In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the Cardio Renal Foundation Inc (EIN 33-4359765), cardiorenalfoundation.org, in memory of [name], to support research toward a solution beyond dialysis."

Three craft notes on these sentences. Online obituaries (the funeral home's website, Legacy-type listings) can carry the charity as a clickable link — ask for that; it is where most gifts now happen. Newspaper obituaries are often priced by the line, which is what the one-line version exists for. And the service program is read by the people actually in the room, many of whom will never see the newspaper — repeat the sentence there, ideally with the website written out in full.

What Happens to the Gifts

Guests give in three places: through the obituary link or the charity's website (the majority, these days), by an envelope or check handled by the funeral home, or by mail directly to the charity. Checks are best made payable to the charity's legal name, with "in memory of [name]" on the memo line — that small note is how a gift gets attached to the right person. As for hearing about them: most established charities send the family a list of who gave in their loved one's memory — traditionally the names, not the amounts, which stay private to the giver. Practice varies, though, so if receiving that list matters to your family, ask the charity directly when you choose it; a legitimate charity will answer the question plainly.

If You'd Rather Say It Differently

Some families soften the ask — "for those who wish" — and some split it, naming a charity while welcoming flowers too; both are entirely respectable, and the sentence is yours. A few families instead ask guests to give to a place the deceased loved locally, or to perform a kindness in their name. What we would gently advise against is skipping the legal name for a warm description, or letting the funeral home's program and the obituary name different things. In a week when you are making a hundred decisions, this one repays precision: name the charity exactly, once, the same way everywhere.

At the Cardio Renal Foundation, we know these sentences get written by people carrying the worst week of their year, often for someone dialysis took. If your family chooses us, the wording above is ready to copy, and questions reach a person — at donations@cardiorenalfoundation.org or (646) 770-3946. Support given this way helps advance research and education toward a solution beyond dialysis.

This article is informational only. Funeral homes, newspapers, and charities each handle memorial gifts by their own practices; confirm the details with your funeral director and the charity you choose.